Spiritual utilitarians

Seeking God experiences or insights turns us into spiritual utilitarians – we use and exploit disciplines and sermons and songs to gain a treasure – most likely one we will try to impart to others through our methodologies and marketing. If God chooses to give an insight or consolation – it can only be received, not gained. And in my undeserved state, He opens my heart to believe that I am loved, I do belong, which also gives me permission to appreciate and enjoy the gifts for themselves – not as something to mass produce. God is capable of wooing all 6 billion people on this planet without my help, though He may gift me with the privilege to do so. I dwarf my life when I meet God merely to get insight for my upcoming ministry tasks and responsibilities: O Lord have mercy on me – unmask my illusion that I am indispensible.