...No to something that I really wanted...No to an opportunity that would have developed my writing in really profound ways...No to remuneration that would have given me a some breathing room financially.
But it was Papa's no. And that means I said "yes" to Him.
Sometimes these life decisions get so complicated. I might not have even been chosen in the first place to be the writer for this project. That would have been someone else saying the "no." In a way, that would have been easier. I would have seen that as God "closing the door." But I needed to close the door. I needed to say no to obey him - whether or not I was chosen.
It is bittersweet - and I hear the enemy's annoying taunts that I'm a quitter or not brave enough to dive into this. I'm not sure how I feel fully about it but my tears are opening a doorway to something core going on deep within. I will pay attention to what He wants to reveal to me about me - the real me. I will let Him purge away the things that obscured my view and keep me bound.
So, I will continue to wait. To trust. I would rather say "yes" to Him by saying "no" to even something that is very good.