(This is a part of my "loaves and fishes" offerings - click here to see the original post. Being Gentle with myself in the Questions - Part I is here.)
What does being gentle with myself even mean?
Accepting my humanness...my struggle...my questions...my contradictions...and to stand in the Presence of God with all that I am – all that I cherish and all that makes me shudder. It is letting my current pain, the newness of this place in my spiritual and soul journey, reveal not only my questions but also my longings beneath the questions. Mostly, my pain reveals my need for God to be my all in all, and for me to abandon to His love and care. This is not a one-time act. It is daily. It is moment by moment. It is currently very tiring for I am not surrendering to the process...but fighting...perhaps like a soon-to-be born afraid to come out of the womb.
...yielding unparalleled joy
As I type, a heavy sigh emerges...my heart is pounding, I can feel it in my chest and my jaw/neck.
I am a stubborn woman, Lord.
This too I bring into Your Presence and ask that You will give me rest –
a settledness that likely won't answer my questions
or even quiet my insecurities,
but where I am free, at home, messy and miraculous,
able to be me without any masks, make-up, illusions etc.
Here am I, just as I am...
today with fear and hope...
wondering how in the world those two things can co-exist,
but they do because of Your kindnesses toward my heart and life.
If you are asking ultimate life questions - trying to “figure life out” - or ready to consider some of these deeper longings of your soul, please consider journeying with a soul friend – a trained spiritual director. Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice in the church – where you companion with a person who journeys alongside and lends you courage to pay attention to all that your life – your true life – is voicing and longing to voice and contribute to a world in need. A Spiritual Director does not direct or coach your life – but (s)he will help you overhear the nuances of your own soul in tandem with the True Director, the Holy Spirit. For more info or questions on how to find a Spiritual Director and/or ask what Spiritual Direction is all about, click here or on the links below.